Is there some kind of dramatis personae at the beginning of the book? Although I do understand that those can present some issues with spoilers etc. Also, is the reveal of his title meant to be something of a chapter cliffhanger? It kind of came out of the blue for me, as I presumed his family were rather lower on the heirarchy. I can understand the criticism of G being too inexperienced to be leading soldiers into battle, but I'm presuming the reasons why he was kept out of war and then thrown into the deep end would be explained later.
BRANDON SANDERSON BOOKS WARBRINGER FULL
capitalization that isn't needed, sentences need full stops/periods, that kind of thing). I did notice a couple of points where punctuation needs tidying up (e.g. Do they know who G is? Have they ever seen him? Is he dressed differently? Pg 12: "“Is that they will be looking for G" There's a couple sentences about them, but all the talking sounds like it's just G and B, so it's a surprise when one of the others speaks. I had to go back to find when others joined them. Pg 12: "Next to them, one of the newcomers began to protest," Pg 8: I don't have a lot of sympathy for G yet, and he's not competent, or proactive. Pg 5: They've talked about leaves and a ten-year-old fist fight for three pages now. Pg 3: bit of a maid-and-butler here with the two discussing G's past, that they both know about. Pg 2: "G shook his head and returned to admiring the leaf in his hand" Pg 2: "Apparently, the people of this country extracted a sweet nectar from these trees, which they insisted on drizzling over every meal." Pg 1: oh, there are other people here too! Pg 1: "How could he survive any violence, let alone lead a hundred men into raging battle?" There are a bunch in the first few paragraphs. Maybe one or two words about where this fight will be. Pg 1: pretty good opening paragraph! The only thing I'd say is to add specifics. Changing this around a little will make it easier for the reader to connect. Right now, I have a little sympathy for G, but his "Competent" and "Proactive" sliders are all the way down. However if all the levers are down, there's no reason to like the character. A character will all three levers all the way up will be an unstoppable self-insert.
Writing Excuses had a great episode on "Character Sliders" several years back, where you can imagine three aspects of a character: Sympathy, Competence, and Proactivity. He's whiny, he has no experience, he's pulled around by B once any action starts, and he doesn't have any reason for me to cheer for him. You do have a good character and are already building some backstory, which is excellent! That's a good way to have readers connect with the story. I'm not really drawn in yet because as yet there's nothing in the worldbuilding to catch my attention. This seems to be a fairly generic fantasy, with no real mention of where it's happening, what sort of people are fighting, or why. I didn't notice any typos, so that's a good first step. I think your prose is good and it's easy to read.
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